Offensive Attack Card: Beat My Meat

You grab a bottle of BBQ sauce from the counter and your opponent barely has time to turn before the bottle crashes down with a sharp, splintering explosion with thick sauce splattering in dark streaks across their face and shoulders. The tangy scent of BBQ fills the air as the glass shards tumble to the ground, glinting like sinister confetti. Without missing a beat, you reach for a tin of black pepper and you hurl a handful of the fine, stinging powder straight into your opponent’s wide eyes. There’s a moment of sheer shock as they gasp, stumbling back, blinking furiously against the fiery prick of the pepper.

You lunge forward, seizing a hefty, uncut Italian sausage from the countertop and with a swift, brutal swing, you bring it down across your opponent’s face, the impact sending a resonant thud through the room. Again and again, the sausage finds its mark, swelling their face and cock-slapping them into unconsciousness.